Baptists, Broccoli and Macaroni Art

I don't hate you. I don't hate your religion.

As a child, my default definition of myself was “unacceptable”. No clubs, groups, friends. School was mandatory, so while I did attend, it was singularly. Suffice it to say, not on a team, not in a clique, not even at the “cool people” lunch table. Life can be a lonely trek and difficult to navigate. The thing about being outside a group of any kind, gives a unique perspective. Looking in, is a magical thing.

I remember the day I stood shivering in a thin white gown. “Just do it”, I would say to myself repeatedly. “Even your parents came to witness, and they never come for anything. Your adopted church family is weeping and smiling”.  In a matter of minutes, I was lowered into the water to the sound of the pastor’s voice: “Have you received Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?  Will you obey and serve Him as your King for the rest of your life?” I nodded and shivered. He continued, “I now baptize you in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. You are now clean.”

I joined.

I was accepted.

I WAS ELEVEN.

I was obliged, under the threat of damnation to obey the rules of the church. It would be a tremendous sacrifice that I could no longer…dance. It was the only sin I could think of that would castigate me and send me to burn in Hell.  I have had questions and have been seeking answers since then.

My family rarely attended the church that my grandfather’s money helped build. I would go with a neighborhood friend. Soon, I became an after-church visitor at the home of a Sunday school teacher. I would have dinner there and help keep her children occupied. She was a great cook. I learned to eat vegetables I had never seen before. Church had been to me, vacation Bible School, macaroni art, Easter bonnets, hymns, and broccoli. And yes of course, many renditions of Jesus Loves Me.

When one is a child, one takes adult advice and instruction at face value. Personally, I have always had a keen sense of curiosity and skepticism. That attitude however, is antithetical to the Christian religion because it teaches not to question. Belief and having faith are the foundation. Everything from Genesis to Exodus is a question to me. The idea that I was not to seek anything other than what was written was unacceptable. I defied my place in the hierarchy of Southern Baptist tradition.

I explored the existence of other faiths; how they were different, how they were similar. Each had valid points, and all had totally some misguided, man-made interpretations of ancient records that could be unkind, if not cruel.

I have a very simple philosophy. No longer affiliated with organized religion, I consider myself pantheist. I believe that all faiths have a purpose, but that the purpose is not to recruit, deny or cultivate someone from a different point of view. I believe there is a supreme power, perhaps energy, perhaps being.

I believe it is wrong to be at war with persons of different faiths and that they should go their way as I go mine. Evangelicalism is a power move to me; a methodology for building a bigger tent, more for the patron St. Matthew, than for God.

Christening and Baptizing children seems a sweet act of love and sincerity. So is allowing them to make their own choices when they are old enough to understand if and how something is wrong and why. Children are born pure, not sinners. They have the right to choose their forever personhood.    

My complete theology can be summed into the message attributed to Jesus Christ at the Sermon on the Mount, (Matthew 7:12) yet believed to be much older and differently phrased. The Golden Rule, which in my mind includes the “Ten Commandments”, is altogether a very nice way to be kind, caring and good human being.

I grew into the world, and it grew into me. I met a menagerie. I left small towns and small minds. “Because the Bible says”…was simply not enough reason for anything. Whose Bible? What verse? What author? Who was there? I do not presume to have answers to a script of many iterations, and I don’t believe anyone alive today has them either.

There are so many beautiful religions and traditions, including those without an actual guide book. Being guided is a good thing, be it spiritual or human. I have deep respect for those who practice goodness, and very little for those who simply preach it.

I do know that we are no longer oceans and deserts apart. We are neighbors, we are families. When the judgment stops, the wars will stop. When “Just as I am” is a fact, not an invitational hymn, we will have peace.